Monday, December 23, 2013

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

It's Christmas Eve Eve. Which basically means I have a million things to get done but the kids are running around like the day after Halloween. I haven't fed them any sugar. Seriously we ate oatmeal and scrambled eggs this morning. That they made themselves as I sat under a fuzzy blanket trying to deal with the noise.

This year we've got the extra excitement of cousins coming from California and the twins getting baptized on Saturday. Even though I've tried my best to stay on top of everything I have a list of about 10 things I forgot to get at the grocery store on Saturday but need to be purchased to function (you know things like soap for the dishwasher). The girls need haircuts, we haven't done sibling secret Santa shopping, Nathan needs jeans, Scott's car needs to be registered. And somehow in all my extra time this week I've got to send out some sort of baptism announcement, purchase and have scriptures engraved, and get the house ready for loads of people to visit and eat. So much for a low key peaceful holiday.

And yet despite the chaos this year is so much better than last. Sometime during the year the twins turned 2, I realized that our lives were just going to be chaotic for a while. Probably for something like the next 20 years. Instead of spending all my time fighting against it, I just needed to accept it. This crazy chaos is the stuff I can deal with. Last year, I was pushing through physical therapy to be able to not cancel our trip to California to visit family. All the kids had spent weeks fighting the flu. Not the stomach flu, the nasty feverish, coughing, can't get out of bed flu. And in the middle of it I had this unknown health problem that made me anxious, worried, and occasionally panicky about just about everything in my life. It wasn't fun or peaceful.

This year I was again starting to feel my life spiraling out of control. Luckily I had a doctor's appointment at the beginning of the month where she reassured me that it's okay to take that little emergency pill when I'm overwhelmed. And anyone would be with what I've got on my plate right now. On top of that I've got amazingly understanding family members who can see when I'm falling apart and don't judge me when I burst into tears for no good reason. They love me when I need it, let me sleep when I need to, and most of all completely understand when I need a little yellow pill and twenty minutes by myself to be able to cope.

Today I leave you with one of my most favorite Christmas songs. Even on my darkest days, I realized the miracle that I was somehow able to get up the next day and keep going and the hope that someday it would get better. For each day that I wake up and it is better I say Hallelujah. For the knowledge that Christ will reign forever and ever and all of our pain and suffering will one day be alleviated I shout it from the roof tops.

Merry Christmas from our family to yours.

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