Sometimes you can't just grump around . . . .

Up until very recently my husband and I were experiencing a small stage of parental bliss. One where we'd recently faced some things that we were worried about, but then the kids just breezed through them. Like when it took two years to potty train #1, and I stressed and stressed about #2 but she trained herself. Most of the things we'd faced recently were not long term, dig your heals in, kind of problems. I should have known something was coming.

A few months ago the poor oldest one turned 11. I was warned and have lived through the terrible twos, horrific threes, whiny fours, and naughty sevens. I was completely surprised by the loose your mind elevens. Oh I'd heard "getting older/growing up" stories from a few friends. My husband and I had even spent two not so great years teaching a primary class full of this age. I totally thought that this was one of those "it happens to everyone else" type of problems. But it wasn't. So we've been spending time working through lots of things at our house. As with every other lesson I've tried to teach this oldest child of mine, I should have realized that the lesson coming out of my mouth at him, was really meant for me.

Due to our current struggles we now have some new rules at our house. The first two are posts for another day. Rule #3 is

You are allowed to feel how you feel, but you can't just grump around.


It's this one that completely bit me yesterday. Sometimes you have to put on your smiley face, or grit through your teeth and face the things that aren't your favorite. It's probably not the best strategy to cry at school when somebody is mean. However I want my kids to know that home is a safe place. It's okay to cry, scream, laugh, and feel anything. Sometimes you need to do those things in your room, sometimes you need to talk those things out, BUT you can't just grump around the house bottling up all your emotions and generally feeling lousy. I can't even count the number of times in the last few weeks I've told this to my losing his mind eleven year old. We've talked and cried together, but I've tried to get him to understand only he can change his attitude. To this point all the talking hasn't been super successful, it's still a work in progress.

So imagine my surprise as I sat in church yesterday dealing with some ongoing not fun feelings of my own completely unrelated to my kids that the small little voice kept telling me "you can't just grump around, hoping it'll solve itself." My first reaction, as always was way more teenagery than childlike acceptance and obedience to what my Father was trying to tell me.

See the whisperings didn't solve my problem, just as my blatherings to the eleven year old don't solve his. But just like him, I'm in charge of my attitude and I can't just grump around waiting to feel better. So I facing this Monday with what I'm hoping is an improved attitude and maybe the ability to create a first step in my plan of action to recovery. Once again I am reminded that one of the huge benefits of being a parent is seeing those childhood lessons with a different perspective.

I hope that your week brings you joy and you won't need to be reminded that you can't just grump around.

*****Programming Note - I got a new toy for Christmas and I'm sort of beginning to be able to use it so Mom Advice Mondays have a new look and hopefully you'll be seeing some new weekly features very soon.