Kids change things sometimes

I don't particularly like change. There should be a place for everything thing and a thing for every place and I'm perfectly satisfied if the things and places don't ever change. I'm the same way with family traditions. If my family had been doing something since I was nine, we should keep doing that thing ad nauseum because that was why we have the holiday right? Well when you have kids, sometimes as much as you want things to stay the same, they just don't. This story was the first in a long list of things that had to change once I had kids.

Each spring my mother, my sister in law, all our kids, and I have a little get together while the menfolk attend the Priesthood session of General Conference. We used to go out for a nice dinner and activity. This is why we now stay at home.

At they time there were 3 kids: my poor oldest one (Z - age 3), his sister (Princess - age 1), and my niece (my niece age - 2). My sister in law, Natalie, and I didn't get out very much with the little kids so we decided we would go out to a nice dinner. Now if I ask to go out to for a nice dinner I'll accept anywhere that isn't McDonald's or Burger King, even if it is still considered fast food. Then if I wanted a nice dinner, it was going to be a NICE dinner. A place with cloth napkins and a waiter to refill my glass. For this particular evening we chose Ruby Tuesday--a steak house. I know those of you who live in Utah are laughing right now, because going to a steak house on Priesthood session night is not a fast activity and should never be attempted with kids. But I wanted my tradition and nice dinner too.

After waiting an hour to be seated the kids were getting restless. Because their weren't smartphones or portable video devices at the time, we'd basically been telling the 2 oldest to sit still while we entertained them with various items in our diaper bags. Once we were at our table, the kids weren't all that impressed with their new seats and old distractions, but we were out at a steak house, and I wanted steak (see above about liking things the same). Our food was taking a long time and now the kids were hungry and restless. Because their wasn't enough room in the crowded restaurant for 2 high chairs at the end of the table, my niece sat at the end next to me and my son sat across from me. Princess was in her car seat between my mom and me. Natalie was across from my mom on the other side of Z. I know this is confusing and the order of people makes no sense but this seating arrangement is important.

It started with Princess. She was crying, so I made her a bottle and my mom started to feed her. My niece started to fuss so I was feeding her crackers from the basket on the table. Then our food came, but it was too hot for Z to feed himself so Natalie started to break up the fries and blow on them so they would cool. By now all three kids were not only unhappy but starting to loudly show how unhappy they were, so we attempted to each feed a kid who wasn't ours, and shove our own food into our faces (because we were enjoying it sooooo much), and not have the manager kick us out.

Eventually dinner was over and we left the restaurant. But we were not undeterred by what had happened. We were having cousin pictures taken next week and all the kids needed matching outfits so we headed to Old Navy. At the Old Navy, I lost my contact in my eye. Somehow it got stuck up in my eyelid and hurt really badly. So I pushed my kids towards my mom and ran to the bathroom to rescue the contact and my sight. While I was in the bathroom, my mom was chasing Z around the store while pushing Princess in the cart. Natalie finds that the floor was really slippery and she couldn't figure out why the store wouldn't clean that mess up. Then she looks down and realizes that my niece has thrown up all over herself and that is why the floor is slippery.

Finally I find my contact and leave the restroom to try and find my family. I find Natalie has rushed out of the store with a nearly naked child, and my mom is trying to purchase the outfits that have been picked with a rascally Z and crying Princess. And then we went home.

That was the last time we ever tried that again. I had learned my lesson. You see kids change things. They have their own personalities and tendencies and struggles and sometimes things that worked when you were MWK (married without kids) don't work once you have them. Or things you could do easily as a family of 4, don't work now that you are a family of 6. But in this change, you find new things that are fun to do. And see the strengths of those kids you are trying to raise. Last year we still got together. This time with 7 kids. We ate McDonald's at the kitchen counter and then we took the kids to a park near my mom's house and watched them play. They helped each other up the stairs that were steep and made a 7 link train down the slide and didn't care when it started to rain.

 Though I struggle with change, it really is for the best. I wouldn't trade my little piece of chaos for all the quiet steak dinners in the world.

Do as I say not as I do

Before I had children I swore that I would never be one of those people who told their children "Do as I say not as I do." One day that wish literally went out the window and I learned that real parenting is a whole lot different than how I thought it would go prekid.

The poor oldest one has suffered from both night terrors and sleep walking since he was very little. When we transferred him into a toddler bed we ended up switching around the lock on his door because 1) I was afraid that he'd try to sleep walk down the stairs while I was sleeping and 2) I selfishly wanted to contain him during nap time. The downside to this was that if I was in the room and the door was locked and shut then I could not get out. You'd think that after the third or fourth time this happened that I would have remembered to put some sort of unlocking device somewhere in the room, but I didn't have that kind of foresight and so I did something that I never would have imagined possible.

I was trying to get the two oldest (and only at the time) aged 3 and 18 months ready for a play date at Grandma's. With myself and the youngest dressed. It was time to help the 3 year old get dressed. The 3 year old was the before mentioned poor oldest child with the switched around lock. We were all in the room when the door was locked from the outside and shut from the inside. Of course I didn't have my cell phone with me and no child was outside the door to retrieve the phone and push it under the door so that I could call a neighbor for help. Yes that had happened before, but again no foresight (or apparently hindsight). The weather was slightly drizzly and not a soul was within sight to give a friendly holler for help. So because I am absolutely brilliant I decided that what I would do is drop out of the 2nd story window.

Before I go on, you need that I have a good healthy phobia of heights. My least favorite ride at an amusement park is the Ferris Wheel. I don't like to drive up windy mountain roads. I can not watch people skydive on TV. So you can see why choosing to go out the window was a great idea. It took me all of about five minutes to work up the courage. I promptly forgot everything I'd ever seen on TV about tying the blankets together (not that it would have worked, more so that I didn't even think about it) and decided what I would do was climb out the window, hang by my finger tips, and drop to the ground.

But not only did I have to work up the courage to face my fear of heights head on, I also was going to do this in front of the 3 year old who I definitely didn't want to follow my example. I sat the two children on the little toddler bed and said something like "We are locked in and to get out, Mommy has to do something dangerous. You are NOT to do this thing ever. Poor oldest child you need to watch your sister and make sure that she does not do this thing. YOU are not to do this thing."

Then I opened the window, looked down, said a little prayer, took a deep breath, pointed to the children, said "Do not do this thing EVER." and climbed out the window. I'm not graceful and so I'm sure to anybody watching what I was doing I must have looked like I'd gone completely crazy. And I totally had. Getting onto the window sill, I somehow managed to get to the point I was hanging by my finger tips. I shouted up towards the window "Mommy's okay, do not do this thing EVER." Then I shut my eyes, counted to three and dropped to the ground.  Like a complete crazy person.

Luckily I was mostly unharmed, I'd sprained my ankle a bit but was otherwise okay. Not trusting the 3 year to "Do as I said, not as I did." My husband and I promptly picked up window locks and attached them to the windows. As of yet, none of the children have attempted to repeat this feat.

The moral of this story is, you might need to let go of a lot those ideal parent things you thought you would or would not do before children came into the picture. Oh and when the x-ray tech at the lab asks you if you are pregnant don't laugh because you might be pregnant with twins and just not know it yet. Yep I jumped out of a two story window in front of two children and pregnant with two more. I am She-ra He Woman Super Mom.

For those of you who are wondering. This is the view from the window.

This is the ledge I dropped from.

And yes I have learned my lesson and all the locks at our home are now correctly attached.

Family Rules

When my kids were all small I needed ways to keep us all together when we went out. At one of these early outings desperate for anything to work I came up with some ingenious rules that we've repeated often to our children. There are only three rules and they are very easy to remember.

1. Listen to Mom and Dad (or any other grownup in the group that day)

2. Don't run off. We clarify that if you can not see an adult with you that day you are lost and need to ask for help. If we are in a large or very busy location (ie Disneyland) we point out what the employees look like and where they could find a police officer if applicable. The kids have all been taught if "lost" (see above) they are to find an employee/police officer and tell them "Hi my name is ________ (first & last name). I can't find my mom, her name is Liz. Could you please help me find her?"

3.  Have fun.

Last week was spring break. We were staying home, but I still wanted to have fun things to do each day (mostly because four bored kids at home would drive one mom very crazy). So on Monday we visited the Natural History Museum. It was a one of the four free days they offer each year and as you can imagine the museum was very busy. I had the kids list the rules for me. As the week continued and we went and did more fun activities I thought more and more about these rules that our family has repeated to each other so often I wonder if the kids even think about the meaning of the rules anymore.

Saturday as I was sorting through the paperwork basket in order to pay bills I found a Deseret Book catalog. The catalog had a few pages of vinyl lettering wood pretty things to hang up and beautify your house. One of these said "House Rules" and listed a hole bunch of rules like love each other and stuff. This made we wonder what I would put on a plaque for our home. What house rules do I want to ingrain in my my children so that they could remember them at any time if needed. And I thought back to the three rules we've repeated and repeated for years.

1. Listen - I want to teach them to not only listen to me but to learn to listen to their Heavenly Father.

2. Don't run off - When you've done #1 and listened. Don't run from what you've been prompted to do, even it is hard.

3. Have fun - Enjoy life. We've been taught that "Men are that they might have joy." 2 Nephi 2:25 We should embrace this concept more. We aren't here to feel bad about ourselves or our progress. We are here living life to be able to find the joy in it. To progress towards our best selves and find joy in the world and people around us. For me being able to find the joy is the only way I can truly be happy.

Maybe someday I'll get my ultimate crafty on, and find some way to post these rules on my wall for all to see. For now I'm going to keep on telling my kids to listen, not run off, and have fun.

Hope you have a great Monday!

The value of time

I don't think any mom out there would dispute that there is never enough time in the day (because even when you don't want it, sleep is neccessary) for you to do all the things you want to get done. For the portions of the day that are all mine, when the kids are in bed or at school, and I can decide what to do I'm pretty productive. There are no little hands or voices saying watch me, help me, can I, may I, show me. Or the dreaded he touched me, she's bugging me, or the like.

Sometimes when the kids wake up in the morning or come home from school (or let's face it sometimes they even dare to come inside the house when it is a beautiful day outside) I have a hard time switching gears from whatever I'm doing is the most important thing to being able to do the "run and jump." You know about the run and jump even if you don't realize you do. It is what makes you leave your hot dinner 15 times to grab an extra napkin, fill a cup, wipe a nose, or cut up someone's food. It is carrying a crying child out of a meeting you were enjoying. It is getting out of bed multiple times at night when all you really want to do is sleep.

Occasionally my husband will ask what I'd like for my birthday or Mother's day, usually I respond "I don't want to have to run and jump today." He tries his best, but with four kids we are outnumbered and even though they are becoming more independent they still need us to do things for them. And when I really think hard about it, I want them to know that no matter what I will drop everything to help them if they need it. 

That really hit home last spring. The twins hadn't yet started school, so I didn't yet have the ability to get things done while all the kids were gone. So even though some days I would have liked to take all day sitting on the floor and playing dress up and listening to songs I had lots of jobs that needed to get done and no child free time to do it in. This particular day I was really wrapped up in those jobs. While I was straightening the living room twin #1 asked me to listen to her song and I told her in a minute. Then I wiped down the kitchen table and swept the floor and twin #1 asked me to listen to her song and I told her in a minute. Then I was doing the dishes and twin #1 asked me to listen to her song and I told her I the big kids needed to be picked up from school in a few minutes and I still needed to finish the dishes so I would listen to her song later. She then turned around and cried, "Mom, you won't ever listen to my song." And my heart broke.

There are always jobs that need to be done, and lots of times I'm doing things I'd like to get done (like check my email and read the news) but I always want my kids to know that I'll take a few minutes and give them my undivided attention and listen to their song. Because time is limited, it is one of the most valuable things we have. Unlike money there is no way to make more time. Once it is gone, you can't get it back. As my kids age they'll need my attention differently. All of them can now use the bathroom alone, brush their teeth, make a sandwich, and much more. They need me differently than they did when they were 4, 2, and 0. But they still need my attention to tell me what happened in their day, or when they struggled, or to take just a minute in between jobs to sing me a new song. It is in those moments I realize just how valuable ever bit of time really is.

Have a plan . . . Be prepared for your plan to fail.

I am a planner. I've never really liked making todo lists, but I love to make plans. It is the one thing that I can freely admit without any reservations that I'm actually really good at. Okay so I'm sort of great at it (as long as you exclude all things related to a life plan). I'll make you a plan sometime and you'll see.

My desire to make plans started when I was small and my mom would make packing lists for trips with items like pillels and undenware (trust me these things are hilariously funny). Then once my dad had me type up a grocery list, except it wasn't an ordinary list. This one was laid out by aisle and contained all the items that could regularly be found in our house. We printed out a bunch of copies and hung the lists inside the cupboard above the tiny desk in the kitchen so that when you used the last of something up, you just checked the box next to the item and mom would buy it at the store the next time she went. Pretty smart, huh? 

I grew up with these great lists and things and as hard as I tried to fight it, I'm just a left brained person. Obviously I've got a little bit of right brain working (otherwise I'd fall down when I walked and not be able to feed and dress myself and stuff) but that part of me is always taking a back seat. I guess it makes sense that this strong part of my personality would manifest itself now and then. Okay now you have the back story about the plans. 

Here are two stories about what happens when lists go awry. I like to go to Disneyland. My husband likes to go to Disneyland. For the first four years of our marriage my husband and I visited Disneyland every six months. The only time we missed this trip was in January 1999 when we visited Disney World in celebration of my college graduation. So we like to go there, and we've been there a lot, and I have some opinions about how to maximize fun while you are there.  Four kids later, we hadn't been in a while. There was no way we could go with just 2 adults for 4 kids under 6. So we invited the in laws and T* to come with us.

Trip #1 -

When you start the trip with mono AND one of the children starts throwing up when you are only a mile from home, you should probably turn around. But I had a plan and we were going to soldier through this. 10-12 hours later we arrived in Primm, NV (about 4.5 hours from home) with two children who had been throwing up every ten minutes since we left. We arrived with the middle one holding a "barf cup", one of the twins only wearing a diaper, and the entire car stinking to high heaven. But did we turn around? No! We had a plan. The plan did not include 90% of our party catching the bug and throwing up along the way. We did manage to make it through one of the worst vacations I've ever known. I have more stories, but seriously just know it was awful.

Because trip #1 was so terrible a year later we planned trip #2 -

Again we took the in laws and T to help, because Disneyland with 4 kids under 7 didn't sound all that much easier than with 4 kids under 6. This time I wasn't going to let anything stand in our way, so I made an incredibly detailed (think to the minute) plan of when we were going to ride each ride, or find a seat for each parade, or eat each meal. I'd taken everyone's preferences into account and made a masterful plan. I'd purchased software that could estimate how long it took to A) walk to each ride and B) wait in line at each ride. It is pretty cool. The first few days were perfect. My favorite ode to success was when we got in line for Alice in Wonderland and waited 5 min, by the time we'd come out on the little butterfly terrace track the line stretched out almost to the teacups. Aaahhhh my plan was working. Then came the piece I will never, ever, be able to live down. We'd done a baby swap at Soarin' Over California so that all those tall enough to ride could while not leaving the babies unattended. This ride takes a LONG time to baby swap and after having entertained the too short children in a confined area for over 40 min I was ready to run to our next activity. Then my MIL had to use the restroom (an unscheduled trip I might add) and I was huffing and puffing about it taking too long, we needed to move on to the next ride. As a slave to the up to the minute schedule you can't get in line late or everything is thrown off. So we needed to skip that ride and move onto something else in a different area of the park. Off we headed through the main fountain area with Liz still huffing and puffing. And out of the character doors came Pluto. There was not a soul in sight. We had Pluto to ourselves for 10-15 min before anyone showed up.

Here is the lesson for today. I still believe in having a plan. I believe in packing jammies to go to Grandma's house 30 min away, and have had a pretty good mom purse. We over pack for all the just in cases on vacation, and have great food storage. But now I huff and puff a little less when the plan falls apart. When we forget the kool-aid and jammies and boxes that should go to Grandma's or when somebody wants to stop and smell the flowers it's okay. After all you never know who is waiting just around the corner to meet you.

*T is my single sister in law. She is an auntie, which means she pays for dance lessons when we can't, and takes the kids on sleepovers, and lets us swim in her pool, and is the sister I always wanted but had to get married to get. If you don't have a T, you really should try to find one. They are often lifesavers.