Common Curtesy and Kindness Where have you gone?

I've been known to spend way too much time reading the comments sections of various news sites that I peruse. In my head I know that I shouldn't do it, but sometimes I can't help myself. I want to know what the Internet "crazies" will say. I'm not sure if I'm looking for validation of my point of view, or if I just like to stir the pot of my insides up.


After reading several pages of highly charged comments this morning I went off to my thinking place to get ready for the day. As I pondered some events that happened this weekend and what I had read, I wondered how I was going to raise my kids to be kind in a world where it is perfectly acceptable write/say things that are so nasty. If you don't root for my sports team you're an idiot. If you didn't vote for my political candidate you are uniformed. If you disagree with me you are ugly or fat, weirdo, jerkface, and more.

For some reason, people don't think twice about what they type and send out onto World Wide Web. Even though it is much more permanent than the nasty things you could say, but choose not to because you don't want to be mean to someone's face. There they are in print for people to read for the next forever. Sometimes I guess the comments are associated with a user name and not you per say but I've also seen some pretty vicious things typed right after names on Facebook. And from people who I thought were pretty nice.

I've written before about my oldest and some unkind kids at school, unfortunately this unkindness has started to make it's way into our home. With things said to one child being repeated to another. We've talked about the way treating someone else unkindly might make you feel good for a little bit, but it doesn't last. Then you want to be mean again. But if you are kind, the feeling lasts. It fills your heart and nourishes your soul.

It kind of seems like "everyone" is very concerned about kids being mean to each other. But no one is overly concerned with the overall deterioration of how people talk and interact in their day to day lives. I'm not an ostrich with my head in the sand. I realize that it isn't the 50's, or 1800's, or any other era we think of when reminiscing about the good ole days. But I do think there is still a place for common courtesy. I do not think stupid or idiot should be said to or about people EVER. Starting today I'm going to do the only thing I really can. I'm going to try very hard to be aware of the words and tone that come out of my own mouth. I'm going to be more kind. And most of all I'm going to start treating people (even when they aren't there) a little more like I want to be treated. Hopefully my example will have at least as much influence on my kids as the ones the world will present. Let's all make a conscious choice to make kindness the rule, not the exception.

Grandma's Purse

I'm a very organized, self-sufficient, make it work type of person. I grew up with a Dad who could fix about anything and I got enough of this from him that I've been able to McGyver ourselves out of more than a few tricky situations. I'm also a proud, stubborn, DO IT BY MYSELF kind of person who has a hard time admitting she can't always do it alone. Then these two came along to teach me a little big huge lesson.

In what felt like all of a sudden timing I went from a quiet mom with two kids to a crazy mom with four. In order to keep my sanity as I tried to transition into a stay at home mom routine, I frequently left the house with all four kids in tow. One of my most vivid/fuzzy outing memories was attempting a local fast food place during lunch. The only fast food place within five miles of our small town. There was no room for us in the playland. So I attempted to order, corral, feed, and entertain my kids in the main section of the restuarant. I believe the scene looked something like this.

2 screaming babies in car seats. 1 toddler jumping on the bench. 1 toddler trying to climb into my lap as I attempted to put the tiny straw into the juice box.

A very kind lady from one bench over came to ask if I needed help. I remember looking at my kids then back at her and replying "No we're fine. Thanks." I'm not sure if the tears dropped out of my eyes immediately or if I managed to wait until she'd turned her back. But I definately wondered how my perfect life had deterioated into this mess and why did I have to do it all alone. Somehow we managed to survive the outing and the older two even got a little time to play. Even now, many years later I look back and think. Help was right there, stupid. Why didn't you take it. Since that day I've tried really hard to learn my lesson and accept help when it is freely given. One of the benefits of that is Grandma's purse.

Being a mostly frugal person, generally when we vacation we don't buy snacks. We'll pack all sorts of treats into our traveling bag, as to not overspend on vacation food. I used to think who pays $4 for ice cream? Then I went on vacation with my kids and their grandma. On my husband's side of the family my kids are the only grandkids. And my husband's mother likes to spoil them, mostly within reason. On our first trip all together, every time I turned around they had a treat in their hand. After that trip, though I remained mostly clueless my kids all figured out the trick.

See Grandma saves money the whole time we're planning our trip and puts it in "her little purse." Then all the kids have to do is say, "Grandma I want some ice cream, do you have enough money in your little purse?" At first I was a little upset, these were my kids and I should be able to take care of them ALL BY MYSELF. And then Grandma explained about the saving up money part and the joy she feels from being able to share it with us and seeing the looks on their faces when she says yes. So the kids get to have a treat, and Grandma gets an extra smile. And though I fondly remember Grandma's little purse, I haven't thought about it in a while.

Life goes on and the kids grow. So far we've always have enough. We get by with coupons and thrift stores and help from loving family. Eventually it'd be super nice to be self-sufficient and rise about the land where every time you get a little bit of extra something breaks and takes all the money. As I see our not too distant future looming like a black cloud of expense over our heads, I was talking with my mom. She reminded me of the concept of "grandma's little purse." Sometimes you are blessed because your ship comes in just at the right moment, and you have enough. Sometimes you are blessed because the expense wasn't what you thought. And sometimes you are blessed because somebody put aside some money a long time ago just in case you needed some ice cream that day.

I know my Heavenly Father loves me because every time I need it, there is someone with a little purse full of kindness, help, comraderie, or comfort willing to share a piece of it with me.

I hope you take this small reminder to say "yes" the next time someone offers to share their little purse with you.

The opposite of just rannin' around

Many years ago my parents found a video called "Out of the Mouths of Babes" in which little kids answer questions about the gospel. It's a good clean laugh and makes you think seriously about what your children are actually absorbing as you try to teach them. One of our favorite kids is a little blond girl who was asked what she was doing in Heaven before she came to earth. Her reply was "just rannin' around."

I often feel like that describes my daily life exactly. When asked "Hey Liz, what did you do today?" I generally want to reply, "Oh you know just rannin' around." Yesterday was the opposite of just rannin around. It was a little bit of Heaven and the kids were even home to participate.

We've recently switched from 1pm church (the UGGG time) to 9am church (the other UGGG time - as everyone knows 11am church is the perfect time). This means we've had a big switch in the way we do things. No longer do we have a 4 hour parade of eating, brushing teeth, showering, eating again, and getting ready. We now have a much more efficient wham bam, thank you ma'am, let's go go go schedule. And then after church we come home and just relax. Sometimes the grownups take a much needed nap, sometimes we bake something fun, sometimes we play games, and sometimes we just sit around and cuddle.

Yesterday was a sit around and cuddle day. Unlike most other times we've tried to have a lazy daisy Sunday afternoon. Nobody fought. Nobody complained. Nobody whined, cried, punched, bothered, or petted each other. (Yes I said petted, don't ask). We watched a favorite movie of mine that the kids have never seen. A grown-up one with singing and dancing, that I may or may not know almost every word too. Then Dad got to watch his football game. And nobody had to be sent to their room, or go to time out. We had dinner picnic style and just enjoyed being together. Could it be a small glimmer of what a future of older kids could mean for us? Probably not a very realistic one, or at least one that I realize won't happen every week. For now I feel extra refreshed from cuddles and a distinct lack of rannin around.

PS - As I've written this post I've been watching several birds in the tree outside my front window. I'm grateful that they are outside in the tree (and not making nests in my dryer vent) and that seeing them means that horrible mucky cold January is really really over. Enjoy your blue skies and sunshine and may some lazy cuddly days be ever in your future.